Christmas Time Brings Random Thoughts

So yeh....done with school for the semester. For the past few weeks I have been awaiting this day, but now that it is here I still feel that I have stuff to do. I think that school put me into a rhythm that I can't get rid of, and now I am constantly anxious about getting non-existent work done. I think I just need to get out of Boone.

I have decided that I am going to drive to California this summer at some point. It is going to be fun. I don't know what I am going to do when I get there, but I do not really care. I have gotten advice about how to get there, but I am thinking about taking I-40 most of the way there even though it is supposed to get very boring. I will possibly deviate from the Google Maps route when I get near the Grand Canyon.

What would I do without Google Maps...use a real map?...do those even exist anymore...

I wonder how bad the map industry has been hurt by the free Google Maps service. This is why companies now charge for many online services that used to be free.

Has the economic downturn personally affected me? Eh, maybe, but probably more in the future when finding a job becomes a priority. I just feel depressed when I watch the news on TV.

This year has been the first year I have actually been wanting to watch TV on a regular basis. Heroes, Lost, The Office, 30 Rock, Fringe: all shows that I like. Fringe is actually kind of crappy. Part of me does not want not to watch these shows on TV though because of all the commercials for upcoming doomed-to-fail reality shows. I know I should not want to watch TV this much, but these shows allow me to have a few thrills or laughs that I will never get from my job as a graduate assistant.

My friend Geoff has refused to watch Lost. This is an understandable position due to it's ability to suck a person into it's pointless yet addictive story line. I am still going to attempt to get him to watch it. I don't have any friends left in Boone who watch this show, so I need someone else to get sucked in so I don't feel like such a goober.

What is the origin of the word goober?

Guess what band is going on a reunion tour...

News Flash!!!

Coming in 2009, Creed is holding a reunion tour!!!

If you are feeling down because all your money was lost in the stock market, or you have lost your job and are begging for food on the street, spend your stolen cash on a ticket to a concert guaranteed to push you six feet from the edge of suicide. Creed will help take your life to a higher level of depression, and ensure that you welcome all forms of alcohol with arms wide open. My sacrifice of all happiness in my life was an adequate trade for a chance to see the second best band in the world behind Nickelback. What if you miss your chance to see Creed next year? How will you feel?

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Ok, seriously. Creed is possibly the worst band to ever reach the top 10 charts 4 times. Eh...actually Nickelback is the worst, but Creed was the worst back in the day. At least Creed had well written songs, it was just that they performed so bad in front of live audiences that the audiences actually sued the band. The sad thing is that I listened to Creed back in their prime.... I listened to them so much I was able to cleverly inject 5 song titles into the previous paragraph. This is an ability of mine that I will most likely cry about later tonight when I lie in bed inside my own prison that is my underground apartment....oops...I did it again......and now I'm talking in Britney Spears song titles...

I apologize if you are a Creed fan. I know I was hard on them, but really, I am sorry you are a Creed fan...really sorry.

Too Much Brain Power For One Brain

Disclaimer: this is a grim post and that is not my brain. Mine looks way cooler.

So yeh, it has been a while blog.....

I have had a rough semester, and it is finally coming to a close. I have no exams, but have about 45 pages worth of papers due in the next week and half. I also am in charge of grading the exams and calculating the grades of over 430 freshmen Sociology students. But currently these issues are the least of my worries. I debated whether or not to blog about what is going on, but since I have been bombarded by people asking what is going on, I decided to go ahead and explain. So here is what has happened.

First off, I apologize in advance for the length. I just can't explain what has happened any easier. About a month or so ago I was at a high school football game in Boone with my father. We were just standing around watching the game in the freezing cold when my vision suddenly changed. I felt uneasy since I had had this same change in vision during by Junior year of high school, but had never gone to a doc to get it checked out. I had not had an incident since the few times it happened when I was in high school. It is hard to explain the change in vision. I begin to see things clearer, but my brain couldn't understand what it was seeing on the right side of my field of vision. After my vision changed, I started to smell something strange, and began to feel uneasy. I had my dad take me back to my apartment, where I began to feel sick. Changes in my vision and the uneasy feeling continued for the next couple days, and then subsided. This is when I decided to go to a doc.

After an optomologist found nothing wrong with my eyes, I got an MRI. I was called the next morning by a nurse at health services, who felt it necessary to tell me over the phone they had found something in my brain. I then spent the next 7 hours in a health services inpatient room with nothing but my cell phone. Having that much time to think about this, without knowing any info, was one of the worst experiences of my life.

My mother came up that day, and went with me to a neurologist the next day. What they had found was an area in my brain that had started bleeding. This bleeding had caused me to have seizures, which resulted in my change in vision. I now knew that I had been having seizures back in high school, which had actually been more severe, resulting in my eyes moving uncontrollably. Because of the blood it is hard for the docs to see what is actually causing the bleeding. The spot seen on the MRI is located near the sense center of my brain, which explains the change in vision and smell. The neurologist then sent me to a neurosurgeon (known as NS from now on) in Charlotte.

The NS had me go in for a CT scan to see if he could get a better look at my brain and a chest x-ray, which I guess was to make sure there was nothing in my chest. I waited about two weeks, and got my results from those scans today. Unfortunately the NS still is not sure what is causing the bleeding because of the blood around the area blocking the view. He is now leaning towards it being a vascular malformation, which is a malformation of blood vessels in my left temporal lobe that has been bleeding causing the seizures. He also said there is a possibility of it being a small slow growing tumor, he just can't be sure with the current images of my brain. The pic above is of a vascular malformation called a cavernous angioma, which is what the doc believes is in my head. I picked this image because the location of the malformation looks like it almost in the same place as mine, although I can't remember exactly.

I am now going to wait 6-8 weeks and have another MRI. The NS hopes that by that time my brain will have absorbed some of the blood around the area, and he will be able to get a better look to see if it is a malformation or tumor. Either way I am going to end up having brain surgery sometime in the next three months, whether he knows what it is or not.

I am dealing with this better now than I was a few weeks ago. The support my family and friends have been giving me is more than I could ask for. Karen has also been helping through all this, and I don't know what I would have done without her support. I have not had anymore seizures since the initial few days of seizures, and the only problems I have been having are due to the epilepsy medication I have been taking to prevent future seizures.

I will be posting more in the next few weeks. I promise future posts will not be as grim.

The Effect of Gas Prices on Rural America

What happens in Boone when you can't afford to drive your car.

My Top Ten - Ice Cream Flavors

There was a picture of ice cream here, but I took it off because someone felt that I should give them credit for the picture. If I was selling something I might understand.

"Ice cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal." - Voltaire

I was going to make a top ten list of something non-food related this week, but I decided to do ice cream since it was requested.

I have never truly been a fan of ice cream. I like it when it is served to me, but I never seek it out. I do foods that are derived from ice cream, like milk shakes, but ice cream itself does not have strong appeal. There are several reasons I feel this way. First of all, it is not a convenient food to eat. You can't get ice cream from the store, snack on it a little, and then pack it up in your book bag for later, the ice cream technology specialists have yet to allow this, although I'm sure the technology is there. Secondly, the nutrition, which does not need explanation. Third, I find the amount of choices to be mind bending. Everyone seems to have their own favorite flavor, brand, or style, and everyone stands by their favorites as if disagreeing is frozen dairy treason. Even though I do not have a favorite type of ice cream, I will still list out possible choices. Some flavors may be listed as their Ben and Jerry name, as I do not know the technical name for such flavors. As I did in my bagel list, number 10 will be my least favorite.

10. Mint Chocolate Chip: This is my mother and brother's favorite type.....I do not approve. In fact any ice cream that contains mint, or is colored green is frowned upon.
9. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: A combination of two sweet foods. May I say more?
8. Neopolitan: Three types of ice cream in one. It is almost like you are cheating.
7. Butter Pecan: I mean really. It is a flavor of ice cream that has both butter and pecan in it's name. No brainer.
6. Half-Baked: A B&J flavor that contains both brownies and cookie dough with vanilla and chocolate ice creams. Did you notice how I listed the types of ice cream after the add-ins?
5. Chocolate: Simple and chocolately.
4. Peanut Butter Cup: Yet again. Contains a nut type and the word butter in it's name.
3. Cake Batter: Another artery clogging flavor that numbs all reward processors in the brain.
2. Chubby Hubby: Chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels in vanilla malt ice cream...um....proof of God.
1. Vanilla: Simple, uncomplicated, the best.

Wow, I think I gained 10 pounds just thinking about these.

My Top Ten - Bagel Types

Lately I have felt that nothing in my life is changing, and have had next to nothing to reflect on in the past few weeks. Classes started today, which should add some excitement to my week, and I also started my new job as a teaching assistant. Overall, things have been dull, but it looks like a change is on the way.

"The bagel is an unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis"
Beatrice and Ira Freeman, About Bagels, NY Times, May 22 1960

Since I feel a need to write something, I have decided to be lazy and start a weekly trend of top ten lists. I would do a normal top ten list, like movies or books, but that would take an extremely long time to think about, time of which I have but don't intend to spend on blogging. I may do one of those eventually, but I would feel a need to extend the list to a "Top Twenty." I am mostly doing these lists for my own mental well being. Anyways, as the title of this entry says I will now list my top ten favorite types of Bagels. I picked bagels because I was recently at a bagel shop and I realized how many different types of bagels their are, and how great it would be to have an answer to someone who asks me "What are top ten favorite types of bagels?" The question is not if someone would ever ask such a question, but if I could blow someone away by having such unnecessary information able to be delivered at a moments notice. The bagels I list may not all be available at your local bagel shop, but I have seen them before. I haven't even tasted them all, just some of them sound like they would be good.

10. Everything - gross, thats why it is number ten
9. Cinnamon Sugar - tasty, sugary, unhealthy.....sounds good to me
8. Asiago Parmesean - those two words added to any food create greatness
7. Apple - I love everything apple, but I have never had an apple bagel that lived up to my stringent expectations
6. Pumpernickel - yum
5. Whole Wheat - plain tasting, wholesome
4. Honey Grain - messy, tasty, and oddly nostalgic to eat
3. Rosemary and Olive Oil - amazing taste; this bagel has recently rose in rankings
2. Cinnamon Raisin - a classic
1. Plain - the original, the best

Ok..... after listing these, I feel like I may have put too much thought into this. I don't eat bagels often, which allows me to be unbiased in my selection of a top ten, although I am sure my list will be contested for centuries to come by bagel enthusiasts around the world.

Fun, Sun, and 5'10" showers

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."

- Douglas Adams

My trip to Daytona Beach, with a couple days spent at Disney World was awesome.  It was my first time on a long vacation with Karen, and I think that she had a great time, especially since she hadn't been to Disney World since she was in diapers.  True I do have some problems with the way Disney runs business, and the way they portray their characters, but I have to give it to them, they know how to have a good time.  Since my brother has been spoiled in the last few years and had gone to the parks a couple of times with school, he was not as amused as Karen and I were, but I was able to keep him from constantly acting like the "negative nancy" teenage life tries to force him to be.  I am amazed that I had as much fun as I did.  Even the beach was great.  Some highlights:  

Going on the Everest ride, and trying to avoid the vomit located in the cart in front of me that was left by it's previous passenger

Dad pushing buttons in the Mission Space ride because he felt that if he did not, they would not let him out of the ride.

Seeing Kennedy Space Center for the first time.

Watching all the staff at Epcot ride around on their Segways.

The entire trip was a blast, even with the ever-growing stress of moving.  But I have finally left the stress of moving behind me.  During my entire time in Florida, I was constantly fretting about the moving process that was soon to come.  What made it even worse was that all the things I felt could go wrong ended up going wrong, although there were a few things that I thought were already going wrong that ended up going right.  In short, it was a stressful process that I am glad is over.  Now I can focus on the more important things in life... like getting internet and cable....oh wait...I mean grad school.  

Since my new apartment is right next to campus I am able to take full use of all the services the library can offer that my new place cannot:  A/C, coffee, and ceilings that don't make me feel like I am walking through Bilbo Baggins' burrow at Bag End.  True there are some problems with my new apartment, but I have to say, I love the place.  It is the first place I have lived that seems to exhibit a personality of it's own.  Anyways, it will be very nice once the weather cools down, which will happen in a month or two.  I hopefully will be able to upload some photos of it at some point if I can find my memory card reader.  The height of the ceiling is probably the most noticeable flaw.  My friend Geoff is 6'6" and the top of his head touches the ceiling when he stands straight up.  The shower, is even shorter, and when I get in it I have to lean down like I am some teenager in high school trying to get a smoke in under the football bleachers.

It is going to be nice to be so close to campus and downtown Boone.  I will be able to use my car less, not have to worry about relying on the bus system, and be able to walk out my door on a fall Saturday and hear the craziness that is pre-football game tailgating.  I feel good about my new living arrangements as of now, but only time will tell.  

One thing I have yet to figure out is why here on the third floor of the library, which is a quiet study floor, does this guy a few computers down from me feel the need to play music from his computer out loud.  Why is this being allowed?  It wouldn't be so bad if I couldn't see that he has a working set of headphones next to his computer. 

Good or Bad News!!?? The Beach Is Getting Closer Because of Global Warming!!!

“Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me.”

-Albert Schweitzer

I have never truly understood the beach. I make a trip to the beach almost every year, and ever since I was a kid I have had mixed feelings about my experiences. It has nothing to do with my family or friends who come with me, in fact it is my family and friends that usually make the beach a pleasant experience. What I don't understand about the beach comes from the beach itself. I am hoping that in the next few minutes I type this I will understand the beach and how it lures millions of Americans to the shore every year.

Beaches are essentially made up of two different materials, saltwater and sand. Alone these materials are boring, and in some cases uncomfortable, but when combined on a large scale you get a beach. Then comes the wind. The wind is what creates the most primal form of beach excitement, waves. From beach to beach you will find waves of some type as the winds blowing in off-shore create cresting mountains of water that can be surfed, boogied, broken, or dove under. Without waves the beach loses much of it's appeal, especially those who enjoy natural thrill. In fact many beaches that lack large waves end up making up for the loss of the big kahuna with an over-abundance of man-made entertainment.

The next ingredient is the Sun. I personally have had some bad experiences with the Sun. There is something about the wish to change your skin color I have never understood. The last time I went to the beach only a few of my friends actually went in the water, the rest chose to lay on towels, rotating themselves on regular time intervals as if they were rotisserie chickens at Boston Market. I may seem skeptical to the idea of tanning, but I do understand it's appeal. In fact I find that the Sun provides the beach with excitement, as I try and prevent myself from being charred. The Sun also provides the beach with elegance during the evening with the beautiful colors the sunrise and sunset brings when you view it from the shore.

The last ingredient that I think creates the appeal of the beach are the people. I am not only talking about the people that you bring with you to the beach, but the other people who have come to share the same vacation destination. You may never meet these fellow beach enthusiasts personally, but they bring as much to the table as anything I have previously listed. They could be the group of college students on their spring break, who have brought enough alcohol with them to get the population of eastern Russia buzzed. Or it could be the old couple who have come to the beach to enjoy their 50th anniversary at the same spot where they enjoyed their first. Whoever is there with you at the beach, known or unknown, provides the beach with it's identity. Certain beaches tend to maintain their identity. For instance, Myrtle Beach, which tends to be more about what is directly inland from the beach rather than the beach itself. Or Corolla Beach on the Outer Banks, which is far away from the mainstream beach atmosphere, and presents the more aesthetic aspects of the beach. What you experience from the beach, whether it be natural beauty or social pleasure varies from beach to beach.

I think that vacationing at the beach as become a tradition for people around the world. It gives people a chance to take in the beauty the ocean provides, and also gives people time to live with each other without the stress of normal life. All of the pieces I mentioned before are just small parts of a bigger puzzle. The beach is something we all can enjoy in some way or another.

I feel that there is a bit of irony when it comes to the cliche beach vacation. A few hundred years ago our ancestors arrived on our shores. The got off their boats and looked at the land before them, and saw a place that would spawn a new feeling of freedom. Yet now, we keep feeling the need to go to the shore and look out at the ocean, as if we miss something we left behind.

After thinking about the beach analytically (or boringly) I feel better about my upcoming trip to the beach. Karen will be joining my family and I to the beach, so she will be able to experience a Davis vacation first hand, and decide whether or not to weather more in the future. We are also taking a couple days to visit Disney World which should also be fun. I have never been to Daytona Beach, so I am not sure what is in store for us. Which is awesome.

HDT

"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."

Henry David Thoreau

Into the Wild...Life

I just finished Into the Wild, and it was incredible. Throughout the book Krakauer explains how Chris McCandless journeyed around the US on a quest to go to Alaska and live off the wild. McCandless traveled the country, gaining enough money to make his way to Alaska, and throughout his trip he made sure to distance himself from the people he met along the way, but as his days on this earth came to a close in the Alaska wilderness he started to feel something different. When he started his journey, his full intention was to get away from civilization and social contact, and commune with the wild. He did not realize what he had in terms of social relationships until they were a thousand miles away. History shows that people who intend on getting away from the social world end up finding a need for social interaction at some point. No one can survive at a full state without some sort of social life.

Take the movie Castaway as an example (forget that it is a work of fiction). In the movie Tom Hanks is in a plane crash and is stuck on a remote island. During his time on the island he discovers a volley ball. Several things happen and he turns this object into an "imaginary friend". He could not truly interact with his new friend, but it was none-the-less his friend. This is a plain example of our need to be socially active.

I find this idea to be at the heart of Sociology. All our world is caught up in a giant social network, a global facebook. We fight with people that "poke" us too much, and some countries even request others as friends. In the end it is all a result of our need to be with others. Independence is not an option. We are all stuck on this rock, and in the end we must all find a way to live with each others differences.

I feel that my need to have social contact drives who I am as a person. Many of my actions depend on who is around, or how it will affect others. More than any social contact, I strive on the love that my girlfriend Karen gives me. We have been through good times and difficult times with each other, and since we have overcome the drama of the past, I feel that we have become stronger than ever. Karen is my rock, she keeps me in line. She is someone that I can talk to about anything. She does not always agree with my opinions, but she is always the voice of reason. I give her props for putting up with my changing outlooks on life. My life views can be officially described as "flip-flopish." I know that if she can put up with me for just a little bit longer, she can have what she truly deserves. Being away from each other is difficult at times, but it has continuously shown us how much stronger our bond has become.

Within my own views on sociology, I understand that many of our relationships are created because they perform a certain function in our lives. Some relationships are even created through a contrast of power within an employment situation, or even a familial situation. But to me, most realtionships exist to maintain our sense of humanity. Our friends are there to give us feedback on how to live our lives, and to provide us with fun and excitement. Closer relationships have a deeper meaning. Our relationships with our girlfriends and boyfriends, wives and husbands, give us the love that we all need. The care of these individuals pushes us through life, pushes us to be all that we can be. Even those who do not have that close of a relationship title-wise, still could come up with some relationship that shares the same power, whether with a friend, family member, or spiritual guide. All of our relationships have been created for a purpose, and it is our job to figure out what that purpose is. I know for Karen and I, our relationship grew from being classmates in a college math class, to being ready to walk hand-in-hand, stoutheartedly into the next chapter of our lives. This growth has shown me that our relationship's full purpose will be fully shown as our lives unfold.

For Chris McCandless, he will never know for sure if he should have lowered his guard, and reached out for the realtionships he ran from. His feeling that relationships were somehow hurting his life was unfounded, most likely born from his reading of multiple pieces of literature that regarded solitary life as pure. As he became weaker, I think that his view on relationships changed completely, and if he had been able to at the time, would have walked out of the wilderness and back into normal life. The McCandless story is a sad one, but it teaches several lessons, most importantly of which is that we should not run from our problems. I hope others who have the same views as McCandless will read this book and come to the same conclusions that I have.

"I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt in myself the superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life"
Leo Tolstoy - "Family Happiness"

I have no quiet life, but my need for adventure will always be there.

Summer Aspirations

I have found my free time in Boone becoming increasingly rewarding. I have found pleasure in reading again, which has helped me turn off the TV, and delve into new types of literature I have passed by in the past. I also am finding myself reading differently. Instead of flying through books (which I never truly did, just at a faster pace), I am finding myself reading at a slower, but more thoughtful pace. Instead of trying to get through a book as quick as possible, I read the words in a way that lets them echo in my mind. I realized last night that I am reading as if I am listening to someone else read the book to me. When I change books, the voice changes. I can't really think of a way to describe these voices, but they are more or less combinations of famous voices (Patrick Stewart, Morgan Freeman, etc.). I am hoping that the voice I find within the pages of War and Peace can help me to stay interested, and finish the book before fall semester starts.

Outside of reading, I am also attempting to get a job as a graduate assistant. I was chosen for the job, but I haven't heard back from the university yet. I would get paid fairly well, and I would be working with one of my favorite professors in the Sociology department. I would also get the chance to teach an Intro to Sociology class for a couple days, which is a career possibility I have considered. The class is in an auditorium and consists of over a hundred students, but somehow I don't have any fears about the prospect of standing in front of them and blabbering about C. Wright Mills, Max Weber, or Karl Marx.

I am also hoping I will get to go to Europe next summer with the Gerontology department and that Barack Obama will be president.

I kind of want to write a novel too. Nothing serious, just some kind of dorky science fiction book. True, I know little about the process of writing novels, but I feel it would be a challenge to come up with an idea that hasn't already been taken.

I have begun to realize that the poster of Tupac and Biggie that sits above my television is chilling and errie. They never stop staring.

Point A to Point B with a few in between

Have you ever decided to drive somewhere via a route that is longer than what Google Maps first gives you, just to change things up? I did this today, which gave me a sense of adventure that was somewhat unneeded but welcomed. To call this an adventure is a little sad, especially while reading about the adventures of Chris McCandless (Into the Wild).

The route I chose to follow was a route that I had not taken before, but I knew would lead me to my final destination. Still I felt that I was being led in the wrong direction. No matter how many times I saw a highway marker that ensured me I was on the right road, I still felt I would end up somewhere I had not planned on going. But after feeling this sense of insecurity, I realized I had encountered a breath of fresh air. This road had not only gotten me to my destination in relatively good time, but had also led me to new sites, sounds, and those unfortunate smells.